My current mood

My head hurts for real. I can't wait to go back home to New Orleans this Sunday for the Christmas/New Year holiday. My friends always seem to take all problems off my mind and help me forget them forever. {I guess thats one of the points of what being a friend means neways.}

I just don't understand some people at all. Some people don't even realize when they have something good standing right in front their damn face. I think I'm a good woman. i am loyal and honest to whoever I'm with because I mean Im fuckin 20 yrs old, I don't have time to be playing the childish games I once played cause in the long run they get you no where and I learned that pretty early since, I can admit, at one time I was at the stage of "fuck niggas, I'm just going to use them to get what I want." But I don't want that anymore and it seems like now that I want something more serious, no dude does...or they say they do but act like the complete opposite <-----which is my situation right now. 

Lets call this person "Deion" since I don't really feel like being a bitch today and exposing this person's true identity.

I've been with Deion since August but with the things we been through you would think it been longer. I care for him a lot and have nothing but love for him....I wouldn't say I'm completely in love with him but I have madd love for this nigga. Things between us were so good for a while, I was happy and my roomie even noticed that cause she knew how I was with dudes, I never really gave a damn about there feelings lol. But out of no where things changed and it hasn't been the same since. I feel like he is such an asshole towards me now and he doesn't really care like he used to. Besides those two points he is also getting very disrespectful towards me and that is the thing I won't take. But the issue is that, like I said before, I really care about him and I wanna try and work it out. In the past I wouldn't even waste my time with such foolishness and I shouldn't now. I tell him how I feel about whats going on and he says I'm a baby and always complaining. Then he will say he is sorry he is being asshole...I then agree to keep trying to make it work.....but in a matter of hours, he goes right back to acting like he doesn't care. I'm gonna have to let "Deion" go. I never toke that shit from any other nigga and, no matter how much I care about him, I won't take it from a nigga now. Why is it that I can never get what I want? Why are my feelings always looked over and just ignored?

So deep down inside, I don't wanna do it but I have to. "Never lose sight of what's important in life." Thats me. My feelings are important, I'M important. So if a nigga doesn't realize how good I am to them, then I need to do whats best for me and leave that nigga alone. 

In the words of the late New Orleans rapper Soulja Slim {r.i.p} "For everyone that I lose I bounce back with two."

Life Ish: Men

{Sigh}

Where do I begin with this one??

I have one of the best male friends in the world and it seems like even he can't help me with my men problems. I would think he could relate and let me know his opinion on things from a males point of view but I guess not........It's not like me to be the bitch who is like "fuck niggas. I dont need no man what can they do for me. All men are dogs. all men lie and cheat. all niggas do is play games" well you get the point lol. But thats just not me cause I know just like men they have women who lie, cheat and don't value having someone who will be loyal to them. And at the end of the day, unless ur lesbian, you need a man. So I'm not gonna sit on this blog and down talk men because honestly women who do that are bitter and have not found that guy yet.

But the point of this blog is to question, why is it that it be the person who you have the most struggles with that you wanna stick with the most? Am I the only one that ever experienced this? {If any of ya'll answered yes then you need to look in the mirror and see if your face holds straight when u lie!} I mean the person I am with right now is someone I truly care about and is actually the first person that I feels can keep me grounded cause most dudes just can't handle my attitude and honestly I can't deal with no pus*y ass nigga. But dating him comes with so many struggles. Me and him only been dating since August but it feels like way longer with all the shit we been through. And see, I write that sentence and ask myself...if you been through so much shit why stick with it? Then I bounce back and ask myself I really care about him so why not? Is it wrong for me to think that one day all the hard struggles will be over and we will be good?....well damn, I know that answer, life is not a fairytale. But how long do I stay through it? We work out our problems but what happens when the problem is worse next time? I'm the type of person who strongly believes everything happens for a reason and you don't regret anything, just take it as life lessons but right now I feel like I don't know how to settle any of the problems, and most of the problems are because I am stubbern and don't wanna let things go by, but at the same time I don't wanna let go.

Life ish... {My bestfriend}

Usually the dumb ass chain texts get on my nerves, I wish I can block them from my cell, but today I actually got a good one. Thanks Sean :)

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them."

......the reason I decided to put this in my blog is because of one of my 3 bestfriends, Miriam. Out of all my friends she is the last one I depend on for advice on relationships (she knows why) but today she really came through for me. These past couple of weeks I've had enough man drama for all of us and when I really needed her she was there for me.

(Just to catch ya'll up, I moved to New York from New Orleans in August and being here without my bestfriends (and family of course) has been the hardest adjusment for me so far....oh please believe having to pay for rent on my own is still a issue lol.)

But neways to get back on topic, today Miriam gave me some much needed advice and though I was very surprised, it was greatly appreciated. Even though she doesn't agree with some of the decisions I make, she is always there to catch me when I fall and get me right back on track even if we are thousands of miles away from each other. So thanks Miriam!

{Shout out to my other bestfriends Candice & Keshawn}