My current mood

My head hurts for real. I can't wait to go back home to New Orleans this Sunday for the Christmas/New Year holiday. My friends always seem to take all problems off my mind and help me forget them forever. {I guess thats one of the points of what being a friend means neways.}

I just don't understand some people at all. Some people don't even realize when they have something good standing right in front their damn face. I think I'm a good woman. i am loyal and honest to whoever I'm with because I mean Im fuckin 20 yrs old, I don't have time to be playing the childish games I once played cause in the long run they get you no where and I learned that pretty early since, I can admit, at one time I was at the stage of "fuck niggas, I'm just going to use them to get what I want." But I don't want that anymore and it seems like now that I want something more serious, no dude does...or they say they do but act like the complete opposite <-----which is my situation right now. 

Lets call this person "Deion" since I don't really feel like being a bitch today and exposing this person's true identity.

I've been with Deion since August but with the things we been through you would think it been longer. I care for him a lot and have nothing but love for him....I wouldn't say I'm completely in love with him but I have madd love for this nigga. Things between us were so good for a while, I was happy and my roomie even noticed that cause she knew how I was with dudes, I never really gave a damn about there feelings lol. But out of no where things changed and it hasn't been the same since. I feel like he is such an asshole towards me now and he doesn't really care like he used to. Besides those two points he is also getting very disrespectful towards me and that is the thing I won't take. But the issue is that, like I said before, I really care about him and I wanna try and work it out. In the past I wouldn't even waste my time with such foolishness and I shouldn't now. I tell him how I feel about whats going on and he says I'm a baby and always complaining. Then he will say he is sorry he is being asshole...I then agree to keep trying to make it work.....but in a matter of hours, he goes right back to acting like he doesn't care. I'm gonna have to let "Deion" go. I never toke that shit from any other nigga and, no matter how much I care about him, I won't take it from a nigga now. Why is it that I can never get what I want? Why are my feelings always looked over and just ignored?

So deep down inside, I don't wanna do it but I have to. "Never lose sight of what's important in life." Thats me. My feelings are important, I'M important. So if a nigga doesn't realize how good I am to them, then I need to do whats best for me and leave that nigga alone. 

In the words of the late New Orleans rapper Soulja Slim {r.i.p} "For everyone that I lose I bounce back with two."